LIVING WEALTH
Discover how to get 12 parts of your Life into Balanceand Harmony

Roz Townsend

To protect the anonymity of my clients, I have changed names, key facts, and any identifying features.

INTRODUCTION

Are you spending time on the things that matter
On what do you spend your time?
There are many parts to you
Do your needs and values change as you go through life?
Are you moving away from a negative or towards a positive?
What's important in your life right now?
Keep a journal
How will this book work for you?

CONTROL YOUR LIFE
Plan for success
See, hear and feel your success

RELATIONSHIPS
How highly do you value your relationships?
Family relationships
Social relationships
Spiritual relationships
Self relationship

PERSONAL WELL-BEING
Health
Finance
Physical Fitness
Education

WORKING PURPOSEFULLY
Work
Career
Community
Recreation

REWARD YOURSELF

WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU LOSE THE PLOT?
Some hints to help you when you feel you are getting nowhere.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOUR PAST SABOTAGES YOUR PRESENT?
Deal with your past.

HOW DO YOU COPE WITH REALLY MAJOR WORRIES?
Steps to handling problems

PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER

CONCLUSION

REFERENCES
References
By the same author
About the author

INTRODUCTION

The fact that you have picked up this book and are reading it now means that you would like to add more balance and harmony to your life. You have an awareness that life has more to offer and you are ready to receive. One way to help you develop your Living Wealth is to begin with the end in mind. If you were at the end of your life looking back over the years how would you assess your life? Would you be able to say who you were and what you'd achieved? And how would you want to be remembered? What would you like people to say about you at your funeral? I can think of no-one who at the end of their life said: 'I' ve loved too much, I've learnt too much,' and 'I've made too many improvements in the world. '

It might seem a little morbid to say to you, 'Pretend that you have come to the end of your life and are looking back on who you are. ' But you'll find that by doing this, you'll gain valuable insights into who you are now, and how closely your life parallels your true desires. Why wait till the end of your life, when you can learn so much about who you are right now? By looking back on your life as though you have come to the end of it, you can start planning and taking control of your life immediately.

It is really sad to hear of people who have neglected to ask these questions until it is too late. My own father didn't take the opportunity to contemplate some of these questions until he was badly affected by a stroke. We went to see him about a week before he died. It was with a feeling of helplessness that we listened to his parting words: 'I wish I had been a better father'. He implored another member of the family 'enjoy life, have fun!'

Look back at at those questions. How would you answer them if you were coming to the end of your life? What would you say? What would your family say about you? How about your friends? Work colleagues? By making choices now you can influence the result in your favour. You decide who you are. Decide how to act. Decide how to react to life's opportunities

This book is giving you the opportunity to design a balanced and harmonious life. Will you take up the challenge?

If you keep doing what you've always done,You'll keep getting what you've always
got.- Anon

Suppose I told you that you could live the life you dream of simply by closely examining twelve important aspects of your life now? That if you made all 12 aspects as wonderful as can be, you will have a philosophy of life that will benefit not only you, but everyone around you?

There are many potential benefits of doing this, but let's just look at one right now: high self esteem. When we have high self esteem, this impacts on everyone around us. We live longer, we're happier, we make better decisions. We're healthier and wealthier in every sense of the word.

Many years ago I worked with emotionally and behaviourally disruptive adolescents. Their self esteem was so low, they would often come to school with home made tattoos or burn marks. On Monday mornings the girls would tell me how they tried to become pregnant on the weekend! Why? They felt that this was the only way to gain attention and affection and to escape from school. Their 'don't care' attitudes plus the graffiti they wrote and the other anti-social behaviour they got up to at weekends, were sure indications of their lack of self esteem. Looking back, I have never met a vandal or delinquent who had high self esteem. Anti-social behaviour and high self esteem just don't go together.

When people feel loved, do they vandalise or commit crimes? I don't believe so. They make life richer and safer for everyone. When people have their lives in balance they feel good about themselves and others.

There are many parts to you. This book will show you how easy it is to get those parts into balance and harmony.

Grasp the opportunity to make your life work beautifully for you - don't work grudgingly for your life.

Are You Spending Time On The Things That Matter?

We spend time with the things we value. Some people are not aware that they put a high value on things that don't really matter. It is very easy to get our priorities confused! When we get our priorities mixed up we feel uncomfortable because we are not doing the things that count.

We spend time with the things we value.

Let me give you an example. Students know it's important to put in time studying, but sometimes watching television or reading a book can seem more attractive! If the study is neglected long enough it may become urgent or a top priority. At this point it may be too late to do anything about it.

Some people have trouble juggling conflicting demands such as children, partner, career, ageing parents and money worries. When you have children craving your attention, it is very easy to see their needs as important, but not urgent. Yes, you can always play with them later, but it is urgent that the report be written or the essay finished.

How often can you afford to put off playing with the children? If it's always 'tomorrow' that you plan to spend time with them, then tomorrow never comes. You'll be one of those business people who always intended to play with their children, but find when you are finally ready to play, the children have grown up or left home.

Peter and Therese are two people who know what really matters when it comes to child rearing. They have decided that their role in life is to be short term foster parents. A while back, they took a six year old named Carl into their care. His parents were both in prison for murdering his brother, and Carl himself had been badly neglected. His mother's family would not take care of him and left him with the state welfare. One day grandmother was feeling guilty, so she decided to take him out for the day. Obviously to salve her conscience, she bought him a new bike and sundry toys. When dusk came, she dropped him back with Peter and Therese. When Peter eventually tucked him into bed he cried and cried.

Between the sobs he choked out: 'I...I hate that bike! I h-hate those stupid toys. You'll get me a real bike, won't you Dad?' Peter just hugged him until Carl finally sobbed himself to sleep. Peter and Carl both knew that no bike could take the place of love.

On what do you spend your time?

Time is the great leveller. We all, young and old, rich and poor, have the same number of hours to enjoy in a week - 168. We can choose to spend them on the things we value or we can waste them.

What do you do with those hours? What really matters to you? What do you consider urgent? If you value something make it a top priority!

To exist is to change; to change is to mature;to mature is to create oneself endlessly.

Henri Bergson

There are many parts to you

You are probably asking now 'How can I know what really matters and what is urgent in my life?' An approach which I've found helpful is to think about our lives, personalities and roles as composed of several intimately connected parts. We play different roles. Our brains have different parts. Our lives have different parts. Shakespeare pointed out that in our lives we 'play many roles'. When you know who or what these roles are then you can start taking control of them. Some of these roles you can more easily define than others.

I know in my own life, for example, that different roles dominate on different occasions: wife, mother, logical thinker, author, friend, sister, speaker, educator, counsellor, to name a few. Another way I can understand myself is by thinking of the various parts of my personality. The other day I had some great news about one of my books, and a part of me was really excited. At the same time, I was aware that another part of me was really sad because a friend had died. Yet another part was feeling really anxious because I had to meet with someone who was very critical of my work. And these were only the parts of me that I was aware of! It is possible that there were other parts of me that I was not prepared to acknowledge. I know at times someone who knows me very well says things like 'you're being over-emotional' or 'you're just over-tired' or 'you're quiet tonight'.

Similarly, it might sometimes seem to us that a child is being cruel, insensitive or rude, but in the child's mind it seems that they are doing no wrong.

Parts of your Life

This book will give you an opportunity to analyse twelve parts of your life. The three main groupings will be:

1 Relationships - our most precious resource family, social, spiritual, self

2 Personal wellbeing - you need to be in good shape before you can help others health, financial, fitness, education

3 Working purposefully - what you give out comes back career, work, community, recreation

Do your needs and values change as you go through life?

One day I returned home after a great workshop on self esteem and values clarification. As I'm always keen to share information with my family, I asked each of them: 'What is the most important thing in your life?' I'll never forget their responses.

Bella, our younger daughter, was eight at the time. Very clearly, she wanted 'to be the prettiest girl in year 3 at school'. Zoë, two years older, said 'having lots of friends' was most important for her. My husband Iain had been suffering lower back pain and so for him, good health was paramount. For me at the time, it was financial security and having our house paid.

Six years later our values had changed considerably. Bella desperately wanted to know who she really was and longed to live according to that truth. Zoë aspired to be the best opera singer in the world, Iain still valued health highly but also included family relationships. I wanted good health and to live my life with total integrity. So you can see that values and people may change over time, and that it's perfectly normal and natural that they do.

The key is to consciously choose your values. And then to live your life in full knowledge of them.

Are you moving away from a negative or towards a positive?

Everyone should try to learnbefore they diewhat they are running from,and to and why.

James Thurber

When you understand how some of your thought processes work, you will be able to choose how much more successful you will be. When we analyse our motivation to do something, we find that we are all unconsciously motivated to move towards something or away from something else. This means that we are motivated to do things because they take us away from something - usually pain - or they lead us towards something - usually pleasure. The motivations of two people to get up early and walk for half an hour could be quite different. One might decide to walk because it brings better health and fitness, the other to stop becoming fat. One moves towards a positive: health and fitness. The other moves away from the negative: getting fat.

If I asked 'away from pain' people what they wanted in life, they might answer 'I don't want a life of misery like my mother,' or they might say 'I don't want to work nine to five.' 'Towards pleasure' people might answer, 'I want to be successful like Uncle Bill' or 'I want to work flexible hours.' It is important to know when we assess the different parts to our lives whether we are going towards a positive or away from a negative. If we are heading towards a positive then it can really extend us and be an ongoing challenge. On the other hand, if we are moving away from a negative then we are unlikely to ever reach our potential.

When I analysed my own life, I was able to understand why I took up formal studies. As a child I had always been considered the dumb one in the family. So after my initial teaching diploma, I collected a first degree then a post graduate diploma and finally a Masters degree. I realised that I wanted these qualifications to prove that I wasn't the dumb one. Once I had more degrees than any other family member I stopped formal study. I was moving away from the negative - being the dumb one. I wonder how my life would have been different if I had pursued my love of formal studies for the pure joy of learning? Perhaps I'd have my Ph D now. Who knows!

Moving towards positives and away from negatives can happen simultaneously. We can be doing both at once or we can change from one to the other.

The key is to be aware of the positive and negative forces and to understand which one dominates and why.

One day I was discussing this concept with a friend, Thomas. Thomas was stuck in a mediocre public service job, and felt unable to move forward.

'Thomas,' I said, 'what do you want out of life?' I leant forward eager to hear his answer.

'I want more financial success than my parents.' He looked away from me as he spoke.

'Why?' I asked, intrigued to find out if he was going towards a positive or away from a negative.

He shrugged. 'Because they couldn't afford much and I don't want to be limited like them.'

The answer seemed to explain a lot about Thomas. He certainly had more money than his parents and therefore it would appear he had achieved his aim. Yet he was nowhere near his potential.We talked about this at length. At the end of our conversation, Thomas decided to change his goals for life.

'I see what you mean,' he said, a new light in his eyes. 'Yes, I've really limited myself.'

The last time I saw Thomas he had taken long service leave and was exploring a whole range of job options. He had no intention of ever returning to his mundane public service position.

What's important in your life right now?

Very few people take the time to think about who they are and what is important to them. Yet when these values have been worked out, they glow like a beacon, beckoning you in the right direction.

Our values can change over time, so it is important to continually take time out to reassess their importance.

What do you really value right now?

Do take a few minutes to think this one through. Here are some questions you might like to consider:

· Am I happy?

· Do I feel successful?

· Could I be enjoying life more?

· Who are the important people in my life? · Do I spend enough time with them?

· What are the important things in my life?

· What is stopping me from having, doing or being more?

· Am I comfortable being me?

Talk to other significant people in your life and find out what they value, too. This is a great exercise to share with someone important to you. We are seldom given the opportunity to really look at who we are and where we're going. This book is offering you just such an opportunity. Grasp it while you can!

Keep a journal

Throughout this book I'll be suggesting to you that you take the time to think about what is important to you in various parts of your life. The best way to do this is to keep a journal. Always date each entry and give it a heading so that you can go back and easily refresh your memory. Use a new page when you come to new or very important information so that it can be remembered distinctly. Use symbols, drawings and colour to make these comments visually attractive to you.

A journal is a wonderful way to get in touch with your inner thoughts. The idea is to allow your thoughts to flow onto paper without being critical of yourself. Write whatever you want to. This book is your private property. You can swear, curse, confide or whatever takes your fancy. The journal is a tool for you. It helps you think clearly and analyse your thoughts. Dare to express your inner most thoughts!

How will this book work for you?

This book will really work for you, if you work for it!

You have to go beyond thinking the ideas are good, to committing yourself to action.
The first part of the book is to get you thinking and analysing your situation.

Why do I want you to write things down, when I've only asked you to think? Simple. When you put your thoughts on paper they have incredible power. For this to work, you must write your thoughts down.

First we'll work out:

· who you are

· where you're at

· what you want

Then we'll put the twelve parts together with an action plan. Remember, this is an interactive book.

If you think that this sounds a bit daunting, relax. It's easy. We'll move at your pace. Firstly skim through the book to get a general overview of where it will take you. Then go through it again with a pen and exercise book (your journal) and answer the questions.

When you see these symbols you'll know that it is your turn to put pen to paper and write down your thoughts.

Points to Remember

This is an interactive book and for it work effectively you will need to work a little bit too. Everything in this book is here for the sole purpose of helping you attain balance and harmony in your life. Enjoy the questions and journal exercises. The following three points are essential for you to remember if you want to make the most of this book:

1 You need a belief that life can and will be better

This book works on the premise that you are willing to change and wanting to change. This means that you believe that many more things are possible in your life. I know they are. What do you think?

2 Solutions for success

The book will also help you work out your own solutions for success. Success is different for everyone so yours will be very individual.

3 Seeds for success

The ideas that you write down in this journal will be an invaluable resource for you, helping you pave the way to a richer more fulfilling life.

If you would plant for days, plant flowers. If you plant for years, plant trees. If you would plant for eternity, plant ideas!
Old Proverb